I havent had sex in a month.. And I have been trying everything in my possible will to try to make sure that I dont reach that amount of time with no sex. But I have. Now I have mixed feelings about this. One I feel like my powers to get men for sex is dying. Instead they all want to try being in a relationship. I dont want no relationship. I want some penis. And secondly Im a little happy that I havent gotten any because Divine will be WONDERFUL condition when the time comes. But Ive been thinkin about how I ve been acting and reacting since this month stuff started and I have to say some things have subconsiouly changed.
One- I am more irritable than ever. EVERYTHING and EVERONE just pisses me off. Im quick to want to cuss out every and any body for no simple reason. I prolly need to start working out more often because twice a week isnt long enough for a release. People use to always tell me "you should work out instead of having sex, you'll feel alot better". Guess what? I dont. My magical powers to size up a man with one glance is still working full throttle and once that image is in my mind, its hard to let go. I get on the elliptical and ride it til my legs hurt. Only to think that my legs would feel the same way if I was riding a dick.
Two- I have regressed to middle school days. I have wet dreams and I draw penis' all over my notebook in class. I have a bunch of pink veiny penis' on my notes for Motor Learning because there is this one boy in my class that I am trying to smash to all high heaven. But since he never comes to class, I cant lay my mack down. So I sit and imagine. I imagine about all the good days of quality penis I will hopefully be recieving in the future. But for some reason the inside of me says that that day will never come.
Three- All these men trying to wife me up have officially gotten on my bad side. I refuse to have sex with someone who is trying to go down the relationship road with me. So after all the cooking, dating, sweet talking, flirting, and no sexing I get confused and angry. Naturally at this point we should be fucking. But since Im not going there with him, Divine is all kinds of pissed and passing the anger to my brain. Now I notice things that get on my nerves that never used to bother me anymore. I dont want to have 17hr text convo's. I dont want to hear your corny jokes. I just want dick and since Im not getting from you, Divine feels like your wasting our time.
Now you may thing Divine shouldnt run your life. But you have to remember that Divine ran the show for about two years and had a freakin blast. Now that her days are numbered and my brain in my head and not in my pants is trying to take over Im going through this turmoil. Im really trying hard to learn certain lessons. Like appreciating a man for him respecting my no sex rule, even thoguh he's going through the same thing as me. Or for him showing me how relationship is supposed to begin and then end versus putting the good shit first and then falling off later. Or enjoying my workouts because I just got a compliment on how good my legs looked the other day. Im really trying to enjoy this no sex phase AKA drought, that Im going through. But Im sure I would not make it if I didnt have internet porn and Virginia. I probably would have killed myself by now.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Im Not Ready...
I have finally met someone that wants to actually invest time in me and date me to make me his girlfriend. Wonderful right? Hell no... Because I just realized that even though in my mind I want a boyfriend, Im not ready for a boyfriend. Im still in freak mode and I still have the mindset that a boy is useful for two things; Being my friend and being my dick. And usually the friends start off as the dick so some of my good friends were initially good penis. I think that its funny because I know I have the potential to be a good girlfriend but the thought of a man actually focusing all his attention on me is scary.
Our group has a tendency to run in fours. So when my good friend met a dude who had a good friend I was forced to take one for the team and entertain as well. I have to say that I was not excited. I knew I didnt feel like entertainnig nobodies random man for any reason, I dont care how nice he is. I tried staying up in my room but the fool came in on the floor and started making chit chat while I was studying. At first I wanted him gone, but he was cracking funnies and such and it wasnt THAT bad... So I quit trippin and actually enjoyed myself.
We do the facebook chat thing because he broke his phone for a couple days. But when he did get a phone he would call me. That was the first thing that started to annoy me. I have known you for a week. There is no need to call me from different numbers just to have chit chat in the middle of the night. And what made it worse was one of those days i had just finished having sex with my greek god and he was doing this, "five more minutes" routine. NIIGGA GET OFF THE DAMN PHONE!!
He had already struck a nerve but he made it worse the next week when he decided to continually ask me the same question over and over and over again. We made plans to chill on a Wednesday. I am the type of person that unless I call you and change plans, the plans are still the same. I hate it when people call and check over and over to see if something has changed from set plans. This is what he did. And to make it worse when I showed my frustrations he told me to calm down. NIGGA I will not calm down after you repeatdly ask me the same question three times a day for the past three four days. You gone make me want to change my plans and say no to you.
I can go on and on with examples but i wont. I will say however that for some folks I might be trippin. I have a young man who is handsome and very intelligent and is a gentleman to the fullest extent willing to go out of his way just to spend time with me and I get annoyed and write him off? It might be true that I dont know what I want because the first man that I have dated since my whore years has actually become interested and Im scared out my mind. I'll take that. I do want a bf, but I also want somebody who can work with me in the process. I cant change the fact that I love sex overnight. I have gotten used to being able to have sex with whoever I want. Now I have to change that. I have gotten used to not speaking to a dude because he's no more than a penis. Now I have to change that. I got used to not expecting anything from certain folks. Now I have to change that. And the change wont come over night.
I told this young man that I was going through a transition period and that he was moving a little too fast for me. I didnt tell him that he was on the brink of gettung cussed out on numerous occassions because I know thats my slowly, VERY SLOLWY dying freak trying to combat all thoughts of commitment and consistency. Hes a nice guy and though he may not be the one that ends up being the boo- sidenote he used that word with me and I almost threw up- but at least its good practice to remember what being focused on a man and not whats in his pants is like. Who know's, I might run away a few good men before my freak officially dies and my being a woman dedicated to a man whole heartedly is the only side of me that I have. But we shall see... While Im waiting he keeps asking me when he's going to see me again.. Please pray that I continue to fight the good fight because of my low tolerance and reply, "Never"
Our group has a tendency to run in fours. So when my good friend met a dude who had a good friend I was forced to take one for the team and entertain as well. I have to say that I was not excited. I knew I didnt feel like entertainnig nobodies random man for any reason, I dont care how nice he is. I tried staying up in my room but the fool came in on the floor and started making chit chat while I was studying. At first I wanted him gone, but he was cracking funnies and such and it wasnt THAT bad... So I quit trippin and actually enjoyed myself.
We do the facebook chat thing because he broke his phone for a couple days. But when he did get a phone he would call me. That was the first thing that started to annoy me. I have known you for a week. There is no need to call me from different numbers just to have chit chat in the middle of the night. And what made it worse was one of those days i had just finished having sex with my greek god and he was doing this, "five more minutes" routine. NIIGGA GET OFF THE DAMN PHONE!!
He had already struck a nerve but he made it worse the next week when he decided to continually ask me the same question over and over and over again. We made plans to chill on a Wednesday. I am the type of person that unless I call you and change plans, the plans are still the same. I hate it when people call and check over and over to see if something has changed from set plans. This is what he did. And to make it worse when I showed my frustrations he told me to calm down. NIGGA I will not calm down after you repeatdly ask me the same question three times a day for the past three four days. You gone make me want to change my plans and say no to you.
I can go on and on with examples but i wont. I will say however that for some folks I might be trippin. I have a young man who is handsome and very intelligent and is a gentleman to the fullest extent willing to go out of his way just to spend time with me and I get annoyed and write him off? It might be true that I dont know what I want because the first man that I have dated since my whore years has actually become interested and Im scared out my mind. I'll take that. I do want a bf, but I also want somebody who can work with me in the process. I cant change the fact that I love sex overnight. I have gotten used to being able to have sex with whoever I want. Now I have to change that. I have gotten used to not speaking to a dude because he's no more than a penis. Now I have to change that. I got used to not expecting anything from certain folks. Now I have to change that. And the change wont come over night.
I told this young man that I was going through a transition period and that he was moving a little too fast for me. I didnt tell him that he was on the brink of gettung cussed out on numerous occassions because I know thats my slowly, VERY SLOLWY dying freak trying to combat all thoughts of commitment and consistency. Hes a nice guy and though he may not be the one that ends up being the boo- sidenote he used that word with me and I almost threw up- but at least its good practice to remember what being focused on a man and not whats in his pants is like. Who know's, I might run away a few good men before my freak officially dies and my being a woman dedicated to a man whole heartedly is the only side of me that I have. But we shall see... While Im waiting he keeps asking me when he's going to see me again.. Please pray that I continue to fight the good fight because of my low tolerance and reply, "Never"
Saturday, August 22, 2009
This Nigga Here
Its a new school year and I have made up my mind on what Im going to do when it comes to niggas.... I like to have sex.... I refuse to stop having sex... But I also want to have a boyfriend... SO after much deliberation I have decided to keep one nigga that lays pipe like a greek god and date all other niggas until I find my boo.... Now the first problem came when I had to pick one nigga to keep around... At the time of the decision I had three niggas on the team.... I had Baby who just turned 19 and had a banging body, my chosen poison that who gave me everything I needed, and the army boy who got issues out the ass but the biggest dick imaginable....
Baby: This nigga here has too much swag for his own good... Mind you he must be on top of his shit with them lil girls that he talks to in his class.... But Ive been dealing with niggas for while.. Ive been fucking since nonya damn business..lol... Baby feels that he just has it so good that he can do whatever the fuck he wants to do and talk to me any crazy way. I told him the situation about the choosing one dick and he says to me: "Do you, and fuck whoever" My response: "you dont want to be him?" Baby: "It doesnt have to be me."
Nigga what?! You have an opportunity to have pussy... Prime pussy at that whenever the hell you want and you gone say it dont have to be me... NEGRO you deal with freshman that will fuck you for a good two weeks and then want a relationship. I dont want your ass... Clearly I have more eperience than you so I WILL teach you some thangs... But if you want to be a lackluster fuck thats fine... This Nigga here fucked himself up and watch.. This nigga gonna hit me up one random night wanting to beat....
Chosen Poison: This dude is my heart and it has been hard to drop him seeing that he has a girlfriend.. The same one from freshman year .... but we have a good relationship and the sex is amazing... But for some reason in my gut Im scared that this is the year that his gf will find out and it will be bad for the both of us... Why.. Both of them are greek... he is one of the most gorgeous men in our class, shes one of the most liked girls in our class... And her folks are the ype of folks that will make sure that the whole campus knows that Im that bitch that was having sex with homegirl's dude.... I feel bad (sometimes) when we fuck... But what can I do?
Army Fool: This nigga here is to confident for his own good.. This nigga here is also confused like shit... He comes off like he got it all together and that his dick is just so good that he can swing things to go his way... Now.. that dick is wonderful... But he doesnt realized that he can be replaced quick fast and in a hurry by the previous two... he confuses "swag" with overt cockiness... Which makes all said "swag" go do down the drain... PLUS he also has a girlfriend who lives in a different state that he keeps refering to as queen... Some kind of queen she is when you were extra anxious for me to touchdown so we could fuck.. Thats how your royalty works?... Yeah the chosen poison has a gf but he doesnt go OD like this one does with pics of kissy faces and status shoutouts on facebook.... How old are we baby? Grow the hell up...
So who did I pick.... of course I picked the damn fool because I like a challenge.... He think that he just got it like that, that I must break that shit down quick fast and in a hurry.... No nigga should feel like he can have the cake, eat it, and then finish it off with some punch... There is always ALWAYS a dude that can do it better and work it better than you... Your swag is never 100 percent because you should know when to stay humble (one) and realize there is always room for improvement and new things to learn (two and three). So not only am I keeping him around to get the D... Im bout to break this ole "I think therefore I am the shit" nigga down...
Baby: This nigga here has too much swag for his own good... Mind you he must be on top of his shit with them lil girls that he talks to in his class.... But Ive been dealing with niggas for while.. Ive been fucking since nonya damn business..lol... Baby feels that he just has it so good that he can do whatever the fuck he wants to do and talk to me any crazy way. I told him the situation about the choosing one dick and he says to me: "Do you, and fuck whoever" My response: "you dont want to be him?" Baby: "It doesnt have to be me."
Nigga what?! You have an opportunity to have pussy... Prime pussy at that whenever the hell you want and you gone say it dont have to be me... NEGRO you deal with freshman that will fuck you for a good two weeks and then want a relationship. I dont want your ass... Clearly I have more eperience than you so I WILL teach you some thangs... But if you want to be a lackluster fuck thats fine... This Nigga here fucked himself up and watch.. This nigga gonna hit me up one random night wanting to beat....
Chosen Poison: This dude is my heart and it has been hard to drop him seeing that he has a girlfriend.. The same one from freshman year .... but we have a good relationship and the sex is amazing... But for some reason in my gut Im scared that this is the year that his gf will find out and it will be bad for the both of us... Why.. Both of them are greek... he is one of the most gorgeous men in our class, shes one of the most liked girls in our class... And her folks are the ype of folks that will make sure that the whole campus knows that Im that bitch that was having sex with homegirl's dude.... I feel bad (sometimes) when we fuck... But what can I do?
Army Fool: This nigga here is to confident for his own good.. This nigga here is also confused like shit... He comes off like he got it all together and that his dick is just so good that he can swing things to go his way... Now.. that dick is wonderful... But he doesnt realized that he can be replaced quick fast and in a hurry by the previous two... he confuses "swag" with overt cockiness... Which makes all said "swag" go do down the drain... PLUS he also has a girlfriend who lives in a different state that he keeps refering to as queen... Some kind of queen she is when you were extra anxious for me to touchdown so we could fuck.. Thats how your royalty works?... Yeah the chosen poison has a gf but he doesnt go OD like this one does with pics of kissy faces and status shoutouts on facebook.... How old are we baby? Grow the hell up...
So who did I pick.... of course I picked the damn fool because I like a challenge.... He think that he just got it like that, that I must break that shit down quick fast and in a hurry.... No nigga should feel like he can have the cake, eat it, and then finish it off with some punch... There is always ALWAYS a dude that can do it better and work it better than you... Your swag is never 100 percent because you should know when to stay humble (one) and realize there is always room for improvement and new things to learn (two and three). So not only am I keeping him around to get the D... Im bout to break this ole "I think therefore I am the shit" nigga down...
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Was it a Mistake?
Earlier in a post I said that I met a dude that I was going to wait for until he was done with military training so we can work on us I guess... It was going fine except for those times that I felt like I was going to die with a penis entering inside of Divine... Well I was about to be on my six weeks count on tomorrow when my biggest temptation came over.... Obvously we know what happened... Lets go over the whole night shall we?
I had a sucky ass week... And I decided I was gonna get a little loose to relieve some stress and take my mind off of all the crap I had to deal with... I got dressed and prepared to party hop and end the night chilling with my friend.. But my good friends decided to beat me to the punch at happy hour and got drunk off their asses (literally)... So I had to take off my clothes and go take care of the roomie....
Now I was invited to a kickback by my good friend/chosen poison that night that Im guessin he really wanted me to go to because he kept making to sure I was coming... I say chosen poison because he has been the only man that I can not deny... He has been the person that I was friends with first and then we started fucking when everybody else is fuck first friends later.. The sex is amazing and we are always good afterward.. No weird feelings or anything... Doesnt affect the friendship or anything... Perfect right... Negative.. He has a girlfriend.. And for some reason which he alludes to but never says out loud.. Him and her are there but not there... With further explanation he tells me that sex with me is essentially different and better with me...
Any-tee-who.. I tell him I cant go anywhere because Im babysitting and he says that he might come through later... STOP... You might say that I should have known better right? Sure.. But me and him have chilled before and not done anything.. Plus I told him about my situation and we both agreed we would work on our relationships and try to leave each other alone when it comes to sex..
Time passes and he askes me what Im doing.. "eating" his response : "can i eat you?" STOP
Know I should have nipped it in the bud right there and said no.... But I stopped and I thought about the shitty ass week I had and the fact that instead of trying to relieve my stress outside of my house.. I was sitting on the floor of my roommates room making sure wouldnt roll off the bed while watching the second season of Dave Chapelle and eating indian food... I also thought about how my solider has been so incredibly busy he barely text me anymore but updates his facebook all the time... I thought about how I was holding out for a nigga that was essentially nothing to me.. He wasnt my boyfriend.. He was barely my friend... And he was barely being a boo... So I responded "Whatever you like"... About thirty minutes.. He came over...
Now six weeks might not be along time for some folks.. But I have a high ass sex drive... And I had been craving dick for weeks... This boy is naturally handsome.. Has a banging body... And loves to eat pussy... And thats how he started the night... And after six weeks... That shit was like taking a shower after a long hot ass day... Ill let you figure out what happened after that for yourself..
Its the day after and he scent is still in my sheets... Im thinking about last night while arguing with my solider through text about his bullshit... And Im asking myself.. Was last night a mistake? Im doing the most for a nigga I dont know and he cant even text me once or twice a day... Fuck him being tired, its the effort that I respect and appreciate.. I dont need a whole convo.. The only time I get that is when he wanna fuck talk... I have dick, complicated dick, but dick none the less at my disposal and Im waiting for somebody who uses his training for the army as an excuse to suck... I did what is natural to me... And I am very relaxed right now... Fucking last night helped my nerves so much... Me holding out was for him.. But I was suffering... Me fucking made me feel so much better.... It was something for me... So if I feel so good after fucking him last night was it a mistake? If I am continually arguing with my solider and unhappy with whats going on with him was it a mistake? Did doing something that comes naturally to me end up as a mistake for what I really want? I dont know.. But with they way things are looking.. Right now I dont really care...
I had a sucky ass week... And I decided I was gonna get a little loose to relieve some stress and take my mind off of all the crap I had to deal with... I got dressed and prepared to party hop and end the night chilling with my friend.. But my good friends decided to beat me to the punch at happy hour and got drunk off their asses (literally)... So I had to take off my clothes and go take care of the roomie....
Now I was invited to a kickback by my good friend/chosen poison that night that Im guessin he really wanted me to go to because he kept making to sure I was coming... I say chosen poison because he has been the only man that I can not deny... He has been the person that I was friends with first and then we started fucking when everybody else is fuck first friends later.. The sex is amazing and we are always good afterward.. No weird feelings or anything... Doesnt affect the friendship or anything... Perfect right... Negative.. He has a girlfriend.. And for some reason which he alludes to but never says out loud.. Him and her are there but not there... With further explanation he tells me that sex with me is essentially different and better with me...
Any-tee-who.. I tell him I cant go anywhere because Im babysitting and he says that he might come through later... STOP... You might say that I should have known better right? Sure.. But me and him have chilled before and not done anything.. Plus I told him about my situation and we both agreed we would work on our relationships and try to leave each other alone when it comes to sex..
Time passes and he askes me what Im doing.. "eating" his response : "can i eat you?" STOP
Know I should have nipped it in the bud right there and said no.... But I stopped and I thought about the shitty ass week I had and the fact that instead of trying to relieve my stress outside of my house.. I was sitting on the floor of my roommates room making sure wouldnt roll off the bed while watching the second season of Dave Chapelle and eating indian food... I also thought about how my solider has been so incredibly busy he barely text me anymore but updates his facebook all the time... I thought about how I was holding out for a nigga that was essentially nothing to me.. He wasnt my boyfriend.. He was barely my friend... And he was barely being a boo... So I responded "Whatever you like"... About thirty minutes.. He came over...
Now six weeks might not be along time for some folks.. But I have a high ass sex drive... And I had been craving dick for weeks... This boy is naturally handsome.. Has a banging body... And loves to eat pussy... And thats how he started the night... And after six weeks... That shit was like taking a shower after a long hot ass day... Ill let you figure out what happened after that for yourself..
Its the day after and he scent is still in my sheets... Im thinking about last night while arguing with my solider through text about his bullshit... And Im asking myself.. Was last night a mistake? Im doing the most for a nigga I dont know and he cant even text me once or twice a day... Fuck him being tired, its the effort that I respect and appreciate.. I dont need a whole convo.. The only time I get that is when he wanna fuck talk... I have dick, complicated dick, but dick none the less at my disposal and Im waiting for somebody who uses his training for the army as an excuse to suck... I did what is natural to me... And I am very relaxed right now... Fucking last night helped my nerves so much... Me holding out was for him.. But I was suffering... Me fucking made me feel so much better.... It was something for me... So if I feel so good after fucking him last night was it a mistake? If I am continually arguing with my solider and unhappy with whats going on with him was it a mistake? Did doing something that comes naturally to me end up as a mistake for what I really want? I dont know.. But with they way things are looking.. Right now I dont really care...
Thursday, June 18, 2009
I took the vow....
I took the vow.....of celibacy that is. It's funny when one day something can be so unthinkable and the next thing you know, it becomes a reality. Sixty days and sixty nights. Thus, far it hasn't proven to be as big of a deal as one might think it would be. The purpose? Discipline. To say that having a team or being spontaneous, random with men isn't fun would be a lie. What I'm faced with now however, is at what point do you make the transition? At what point do you say enough is enough and I need to grow out of this? Is it when you finally after waiting forever meet the guy that makes you want to stop? Do you have some life altering revelation that leads to a new and improved you? I'm realistic enough to know that Mr. Perfect may never come, but I can benefit from my self improvement right now. Sometimes that's all you need, to live in the right now. Throw caution to the wind and live for the moment. Maybe......
I LOVE TO FUCK
And Im missing it very much right now... Four weeks and four days.... With no penis.... Im dying a little on the inside everyday... Thats all...
Monday, May 25, 2009
It's a Drought
So... Aint nothin worst than blogging about sex in DC then running into a drought and not having any. So after a semester of getting the best sex of my life on a consistent base (5-6x for at least 2hrs), I have encountered a standstill. There are no knew guys in my life, I'm not so quick to add new ones, and all the recyclables are 45minutes plus out of reach. So what is a girl to do? I've heard everything at this point. I could add a new guy, but that involves the preliminary of getting to know someone when I could really care less. (I just want sex) I was told I could make a purchase, I'm 21 and sexy as hell.... Lmao I don't believe in that. I could invest in a toy (*cough* jackrabbit *cough*) lol. Or I could do the unthinkable and simply wait it out. Waiting it out would be taking a vow of celebacy for 2+ months.... Not so much. Maybe its that time to once again get over the fear of increasing numbers. No matter how many times I tell myself the numbers don't matter, they seem to make themself back into an issue. For the sake of sex... I just might have to make some more exceptions. After all, these ARE only societal persepctives. A man can sleep with 50+ to be a whore and a woman? 5-10+? I think its time to buck the system and do me. Sex is sex... Not marriage lol
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