Im Not Ready...

I have finally met someone that wants to actually invest time in me and date me to make me his girlfriend. Wonderful right? Hell no... Because I just realized that even though in my mind I want a boyfriend, Im not ready for a boyfriend. Im still in freak mode and I still have the mindset that a boy is useful for two things; Being my friend and being my dick. And usually the friends start off as the dick so some of my good friends were initially good penis. I think that its funny because I know I have the potential to be a good girlfriend but the thought of a man actually focusing all his attention on me is scary.

Our group has a tendency to run in fours. So when my good friend met a dude who had a good friend I was forced to take one for the team and entertain as well. I have to say that I was not excited. I knew I didnt feel like entertainnig nobodies random man for any reason, I dont care how nice he is. I tried staying up in my room but the fool came in on the floor and started making chit chat while I was studying. At first I wanted him gone, but he was cracking funnies and such and it wasnt THAT bad... So I quit trippin and actually enjoyed myself.

We do the facebook chat thing because he broke his phone for a couple days. But when he did get a phone he would call me. That was the first thing that started to annoy me. I have known you for a week. There is no need to call me from different numbers just to have chit chat in the middle of the night. And what made it worse was one of those days i had just finished having sex with my greek god and he was doing this, "five more minutes" routine. NIIGGA GET OFF THE DAMN PHONE!!

He had already struck a nerve but he made it worse the next week when he decided to continually ask me the same question over and over and over again. We made plans to chill on a Wednesday. I am the type of person that unless I call you and change plans, the plans are still the same. I hate it when people call and check over and over to see if something has changed from set plans. This is what he did. And to make it worse when I showed my frustrations he told me to calm down. NIGGA I will not calm down after you repeatdly ask me the same question three times a day for the past three four days. You gone make me want to change my plans and say no to you.

I can go on and on with examples but i wont. I will say however that for some folks I might be trippin. I have a young man who is handsome and very intelligent and is a gentleman to the fullest extent willing to go out of his way just to spend time with me and I get annoyed and write him off? It might be true that I dont know what I want because the first man that I have dated since my whore years has actually become interested and Im scared out my mind. I'll take that. I do want a bf, but I also want somebody who can work with me in the process. I cant change the fact that I love sex overnight. I have gotten used to being able to have sex with whoever I want. Now I have to change that. I have gotten used to not speaking to a dude because he's no more than a penis. Now I have to change that. I got used to not expecting anything from certain folks. Now I have to change that. And the change wont come over night.

I told this young man that I was going through a transition period and that he was moving a little too fast for me. I didnt tell him that he was on the brink of gettung cussed out on numerous occassions because I know thats my slowly, VERY SLOLWY dying freak trying to combat all thoughts of commitment and consistency. Hes a nice guy and though he may not be the one that ends up being the boo- sidenote he used that word with me and I almost threw up- but at least its good practice to remember what being focused on a man and not whats in his pants is like. Who know's, I might run away a few good men before my freak officially dies and my being a woman dedicated to a man whole heartedly is the only side of me that I have. But we shall see... While Im waiting he keeps asking me when he's going to see me again.. Please pray that I continue to fight the good fight because of my low tolerance and reply, "Never"

This Nigga Here

Its a new school year and I have made up my mind on what Im going to do when it comes to niggas.... I like to have sex.... I refuse to stop having sex... But I also want to have a boyfriend... SO after much deliberation I have decided to keep one nigga that lays pipe like a greek god and date all other niggas until I find my boo.... Now the first problem came when I had to pick one nigga to keep around... At the time of the decision I had three niggas on the team.... I had Baby who just turned 19 and had a banging body, my chosen poison that who gave me everything I needed, and the army boy who got issues out the ass but the biggest dick imaginable....

Baby: This nigga here has too much swag for his own good... Mind you he must be on top of his shit with them lil girls that he talks to in his class.... But Ive been dealing with niggas for while.. Ive been fucking since nonya damn business..lol... Baby feels that he just has it so good that he can do whatever the fuck he wants to do and talk to me any crazy way. I told him the situation about the choosing one dick and he says to me: "Do you, and fuck whoever" My response: "you dont want to be him?" Baby: "It doesnt have to be me."

Nigga what?! You have an opportunity to have pussy... Prime pussy at that whenever the hell you want and you gone say it dont have to be me... NEGRO you deal with freshman that will fuck you for a good two weeks and then want a relationship. I dont want your ass... Clearly I have more eperience than you so I WILL teach you some thangs... But if you want to be a lackluster fuck thats fine... This Nigga here fucked himself up and watch.. This nigga gonna hit me up one random night wanting to beat....

Chosen Poison: This dude is my heart and it has been hard to drop him seeing that he has a girlfriend.. The same one from freshman year .... but we have a good relationship and the sex is amazing... But for some reason in my gut Im scared that this is the year that his gf will find out and it will be bad for the both of us... Why.. Both of them are greek... he is one of the most gorgeous men in our class, shes one of the most liked girls in our class... And her folks are the ype of folks that will make sure that the whole campus knows that Im that bitch that was having sex with homegirl's dude.... I feel bad (sometimes) when we fuck... But what can I do?

Army Fool: This nigga here is to confident for his own good.. This nigga here is also confused like shit... He comes off like he got it all together and that his dick is just so good that he can swing things to go his way... Now.. that dick is wonderful... But he doesnt realized that he can be replaced quick fast and in a hurry by the previous two... he confuses "swag" with overt cockiness... Which makes all said "swag" go do down the drain... PLUS he also has a girlfriend who lives in a different state that he keeps refering to as queen... Some kind of queen she is when you were extra anxious for me to touchdown so we could fuck.. Thats how your royalty works?... Yeah the chosen poison has a gf but he doesnt go OD like this one does with pics of kissy faces and status shoutouts on facebook.... How old are we baby? Grow the hell up...

So who did I pick.... of course I picked the damn fool because I like a challenge.... He think that he just got it like that, that I must break that shit down quick fast and in a hurry.... No nigga should feel like he can have the cake, eat it, and then finish it off with some punch... There is always ALWAYS a dude that can do it better and work it better than you... Your swag is never 100 percent because you should know when to stay humble (one) and realize there is always room for improvement and new things to learn (two and three). So not only am I keeping him around to get the D... Im bout to break this ole "I think therefore I am the shit" nigga down...

Was it a Mistake?

Earlier in a post I said that I met a dude that I was going to wait for until he was done with military training so we can work on us I guess... It was going fine except for those times that I felt like I was going to die with a penis entering inside of Divine... Well I was about to be on my six weeks count on tomorrow when my biggest temptation came over.... Obvously we know what happened... Lets go over the whole night shall we?

I had a sucky ass week... And I decided I was gonna get a little loose to relieve some stress and take my mind off of all the crap I had to deal with... I got dressed and prepared to party hop and end the night chilling with my friend.. But my good friends decided to beat me to the punch at happy hour and got drunk off their asses (literally)... So I had to take off my clothes and go take care of the roomie....

Now I was invited to a kickback by my good friend/chosen poison that night that Im guessin he really wanted me to go to because he kept making to sure I was coming... I say chosen poison because he has been the only man that I can not deny... He has been the person that I was friends with first and then we started fucking when everybody else is fuck first friends later.. The sex is amazing and we are always good afterward.. No weird feelings or anything... Doesnt affect the friendship or anything... Perfect right... Negative.. He has a girlfriend.. And for some reason which he alludes to but never says out loud.. Him and her are there but not there... With further explanation he tells me that sex with me is essentially different and better with me...

Any-tee-who.. I tell him I cant go anywhere because Im babysitting and he says that he might come through later... STOP... You might say that I should have known better right? Sure.. But me and him have chilled before and not done anything.. Plus I told him about my situation and we both agreed we would work on our relationships and try to leave each other alone when it comes to sex..

Time passes and he askes me what Im doing.. "eating" his response : "can i eat you?" STOP
Know I should have nipped it in the bud right there and said no.... But I stopped and I thought about the shitty ass week I had and the fact that instead of trying to relieve my stress outside of my house.. I was sitting on the floor of my roommates room making sure wouldnt roll off the bed while watching the second season of Dave Chapelle and eating indian food... I also thought about how my solider has been so incredibly busy he barely text me anymore but updates his facebook all the time... I thought about how I was holding out for a nigga that was essentially nothing to me.. He wasnt my boyfriend.. He was barely my friend... And he was barely being a boo... So I responded "Whatever you like"... About thirty minutes.. He came over...

Now six weeks might not be along time for some folks.. But I have a high ass sex drive... And I had been craving dick for weeks... This boy is naturally handsome.. Has a banging body... And loves to eat pussy... And thats how he started the night... And after six weeks... That shit was like taking a shower after a long hot ass day... Ill let you figure out what happened after that for yourself..

Its the day after and he scent is still in my sheets... Im thinking about last night while arguing with my solider through text about his bullshit... And Im asking myself.. Was last night a mistake? Im doing the most for a nigga I dont know and he cant even text me once or twice a day... Fuck him being tired, its the effort that I respect and appreciate.. I dont need a whole convo.. The only time I get that is when he wanna fuck talk... I have dick, complicated dick, but dick none the less at my disposal and Im waiting for somebody who uses his training for the army as an excuse to suck... I did what is natural to me... And I am very relaxed right now... Fucking last night helped my nerves so much... Me holding out was for him.. But I was suffering... Me fucking made me feel so much better.... It was something for me... So if I feel so good after fucking him last night was it a mistake? If I am continually arguing with my solider and unhappy with whats going on with him was it a mistake? Did doing something that comes naturally to me end up as a mistake for what I really want? I dont know.. But with they way things are looking.. Right now I dont really care...

I took the vow....

I took the vow.....of celibacy that is. It's funny when one day something can be so unthinkable and the next thing you know, it becomes a reality. Sixty days and sixty nights. Thus, far it hasn't proven to be as big of a deal as one might think it would be. The purpose? Discipline. To say that having a team or being spontaneous, random with men isn't fun would be a lie. What I'm faced with now however, is at what point do you make the transition? At what point do you say enough is enough and I need to grow out of this? Is it when you finally after waiting forever meet the guy that makes you want to stop? Do you have some life altering revelation that leads to a new and improved you? I'm realistic enough to know that Mr. Perfect may never come, but I can benefit from my self improvement right now. Sometimes that's all you need, to live in the right now. Throw caution to the wind and live for the moment. Maybe......

I LOVE TO FUCK

And Im missing it very much right now... Four weeks and four days.... With no penis.... Im dying a little on the inside everyday... Thats all...

It's a Drought

So... Aint nothin worst than blogging about sex in DC then running into a drought and not having any. So after a semester of getting the best sex of my life on a consistent base (5-6x for at least 2hrs), I have encountered a standstill. There are no knew guys in my life, I'm not so quick to add new ones, and all the recyclables are 45minutes plus out of reach. So what is a girl to do? I've heard everything at this point. I could add a new guy, but that involves the preliminary of getting to know someone when I could really care less. (I just want sex) I was told I could make a purchase, I'm 21 and sexy as hell.... Lmao I don't believe in that. I could invest in a toy (*cough* jackrabbit *cough*) lol. Or I could do the unthinkable and simply wait it out. Waiting it out would be taking a vow of celebacy for 2+ months.... Not so much. Maybe its that time to once again get over the fear of increasing numbers. No matter how many times I tell myself the numbers don't matter, they seem to make themself back into an issue. For the sake of sex... I just might have to make some more exceptions. After all, these ARE only societal persepctives. A man can sleep with 50+ to be a whore and a woman? 5-10+? I think its time to buck the system and do me. Sex is sex... Not marriage lol

HIGH SEX

SO I have made a decision that I am going to be more spontaneous seeing that my senior year is quickly approaching and this will be the first summer that I wil be away from home...  Yesterday was my first journey into wildin mode and I participated in the highly celebrated National Earth Day or better known as 4/20.... and that shit was a ride..

First off.... I have never smoked anything before and I am a natural lightweight.... At everything.. I get drunk off of two shots... I have a low pain tolerance.. I just cant handle much... So the first time inhaling that there mary jane was the most painful thing I have experienced in my throat before....  But after several lessons and tremendous amounts of peer pressure I tried again and after God knows how many blows... I was as high as a effin kite.... I can barely remember what happened in real life because I felt like I was dreaming the whole thing...  Its like little scenes here of me laughing like I had no sense, eating the best Subway sandwich I have ever had in life, and being thirsty as hell... But the thing that I wish I could remember iin detail was the sex....

I have heard people say "When Im drunk I can go for hours" or "Having high sex is an experience like nothing you have ever had".. now I can agree.....  Now I was headed toward sleepy time when the kisses on the neck started... And I woke right up.. well kind of.. I was as awake as I could have gotten... Pants were removed, I dont remember the bra part of it... But the sex began... I wish there was a word for what I felt when that boy came inside of me... I FELT EVERYTHING.... And I was too high to register that it hurt because it felt WONDERFUL....I know I was talking crazy cuz everything that was coming out of my mouth was stuff that I heard on a porn.. He didnt make it any better cuz he was going right along with me.  I tried to count how many times I came and reached 8.. But I had to start over and I counted to 11.... SO I had a minimum of 19 orgasms...

NINETEEN ORGASMS... in one night... Here is the best part... There was no breaks... We had sex for around three and a half hours...  Straight... I have never done that before in my life... I have also never felt an orgasm the way I did that night.. YOu know those orgasms that they talk about in comedy shows... Kind of like this..

You feel it coming and you start bracing yourself because you know its gonna be a big... You close your eyes tight when your body takes over your mind and you start shivering.. The further into the orgasm you cant keep your eyes or your mouth closed and you start making all these ridiculous noises and your body goes into straight seizure mode... After its done you dont want to be touched for like three minutes because at that moment you were in a different world.. Which is wwwaaayyy out there seeing that you were already super gone with the weed...

Yeah I had one of those....  I had severeal of those...  I wont go into more detail (because I cant remember too much else) but I will state my point...  There is no sex like high sex.... No matter what kind of amazing penis you have had, as I did, marijuana makes it 17,000 times better... And Im a freak.. So I know...  But whenever you get that amazing penis.. Be grateful because you will have a dry spell, emphasis on will...  Tell him something sweet... send him a freaky text, make him breakfast, walk him to the door and smile.. SOMETHING.. Dont be a greedy bitch and have that nigga give you all his business with additional business cards and not show thanks... Cuz thats rude and will cause you to have a longer dry spell than necessary...  How am I showing thanks?  Im washing this niggas clothes.... and its a hell of a lot of clothes... and Im giving him more pussy... it might not be high pussy.. but we had bomb sex before the weed... It should be the same... But we shall see.. And Ill let you know...