I am a hard lover. Im a Leo. Its in my nature to love hard and care for someone quickly. So that only means that it hurts more when someone that I like treats me like a piece of shit. Currently I have two men that are putting in me in a funny situation that makes it hard to make a concrete decision.
Joseph was my fuck buddy most of sophomore year and the beginning of junior year. Then something happened (and when I say something, I mean I dont know what happened) with him and we just stopped talking and he disappeared. yes it hurt my feelings because even though I knew he wasnt looking for a girlfriend, I still liked him and treated him like he was my boyfriend anyway. Thats probably how I set myslef up for failure. I should have set up boundaries and I wonuldt be in this predicament in the first place. But I digress...
Jospeh has all of a sudden popped back into my life and even though I tried to treat him like dirt and discourage him from never talking to me again, I am making exceptions for him because of our past. I cant stop thinking about all those times I would ride the train in the middle of the night in the middle of the week just to go be with him. The constant text messages and inside jokes came up and I ended up being nice to him. Now he wants to come over and see me. What the hell am I going to do?
I should have knocked him down because of what he did, but the sex and previous conversation makes me curious. Why cant I, along with other women, disconnect themselves with them triflin negroes that will probably hurt them again? Why dont we have the balls enough to treat niggas just like shit and keep it movin like nothing happened? We ask for people to be upfront to us but we still act like something might change. Its was my mistake to get caught up and catch feelings. Its my fault that I dont have the guts and heart, shit even the willingness, to say nigga fuck you and go fall off a damn cliff. Nope my being a hard lover will not allow it. WHY???
If I had the answers to this question I wouldnt be in this predicament and wouldnt be whining. But I dont so I will be seeing this young man sometime in the future and have another story to tell. But I wont complain about what happens because I know what Im getting myself into. I know that Im putting my feelings at risk again for the mere sake of curiosity and the past. I know I might not be woman enough to fight the old feelings for Joseph, but I am woman enough to know that whatever happens, I brought it on myself.
So lets just keep this in mind when we want to whine about triflin negroes and the like. You had a part of your current situation and frustrations. Own up to it and dont whine because youre not stupid. You knew what you were doing and you knew there was a chance that whatever was gonna happen. You not Jesus so you cant change anything. But you do have a brain, please use it.
As for the other negro, I will see what he comes up with when he crosses Kappa, until then he is still on the shit list.... A good place for him to be at the moment..
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Switch!
As if it would be that easy to do....say Switch and be able to get with your guy or girls best friend? well it's not and usually if it is, your breaking what is known as the guy or girl law. The law as we all know it is: You are not to talk to a guy that a friend is talking to, an ex, or a potential boo without that friend giving you the go head, and even then you proceed with caution.
My male best friend recently broke this rule. Not that I expected him to hold to it because he has a tendency to have sex with anything with two legs and a vagina with the exception of me and family, but I guess I thought he had a little decency to restrain himself. First the back ground. My Best friend had relations and was boyfriend to a good friend of mine, we'll say her name is *Jessica. This past week my best friend, a friend of his , and two of my female friends, we'll say *sarah and *miranda went on a road trip from Atlanta to Miami. *Sarah happens to be part of the friend circle that *Jessia is in. Knowing this, my best friend spent a majority of the trip pushing up on *Sarah and when asked about his intentions, he claimed he was into her and no rules or laws should hinder him. However, if *Jessica were on the trip and attempted to sleep with his compadre, the laws would be fully in effect and the tables would be turned. This brings me to wonder just how far the Chick law goes.
I was placed in a similar situation back in the day and wondered just how detrimental breaking the law would be on the friendship. I grew up with the understanding that no matter what happens, men will be there and you are to never allow one to get between you and your female friends because true friends are hard to come by. However, what if the situation is a little more complex? example.....
When I was in Junior high, I had a pretty good friend named Nicole. We were both gaga over the same boy, as well all the other girls in our class, however no one ever spoke of it. Nicole actually dated the boy (Tyrell) and had relations and such until they broke it off. He broke it off and they flirted on and off following their relationship. I crushed on Tyrell and flirted wit him as well. At the end of the school year another friend found out that I was confessing to Tyrell my feelings and I was ostracized from the "crew" for breaking the girl Law. He was her potential boo. The very last day of school, I went on a date with Tyrell and attended a function everyone at school was at. I kissed him as I was leaving. As I stepped outside, I noticed a gang of girls staring at me and Nicole running through the parking lot exclaiming to different girl groups what I'd done and I assume was putting the hit out on me. By the time my parent came to pick me up, I was seconds away from receiving a major beat down.
At the time, it made me re-evaluate my life and think seriously about my action towards Tyrell. I later decided that I'd made the right decisions by acting on what I felt and my friends became my friends again and all was well.
That may or may not have been a little complex to follow, but essentially I am posing these questions........Do the friend Law's really apply? And just how far can you push them before things become irreparable? The questions.....
My male best friend recently broke this rule. Not that I expected him to hold to it because he has a tendency to have sex with anything with two legs and a vagina with the exception of me and family, but I guess I thought he had a little decency to restrain himself. First the back ground. My Best friend had relations and was boyfriend to a good friend of mine, we'll say her name is *Jessica. This past week my best friend, a friend of his , and two of my female friends, we'll say *sarah and *miranda went on a road trip from Atlanta to Miami. *Sarah happens to be part of the friend circle that *Jessia is in. Knowing this, my best friend spent a majority of the trip pushing up on *Sarah and when asked about his intentions, he claimed he was into her and no rules or laws should hinder him. However, if *Jessica were on the trip and attempted to sleep with his compadre, the laws would be fully in effect and the tables would be turned. This brings me to wonder just how far the Chick law goes.
I was placed in a similar situation back in the day and wondered just how detrimental breaking the law would be on the friendship. I grew up with the understanding that no matter what happens, men will be there and you are to never allow one to get between you and your female friends because true friends are hard to come by. However, what if the situation is a little more complex? example.....
When I was in Junior high, I had a pretty good friend named Nicole. We were both gaga over the same boy, as well all the other girls in our class, however no one ever spoke of it. Nicole actually dated the boy (Tyrell) and had relations and such until they broke it off. He broke it off and they flirted on and off following their relationship. I crushed on Tyrell and flirted wit him as well. At the end of the school year another friend found out that I was confessing to Tyrell my feelings and I was ostracized from the "crew" for breaking the girl Law. He was her potential boo. The very last day of school, I went on a date with Tyrell and attended a function everyone at school was at. I kissed him as I was leaving. As I stepped outside, I noticed a gang of girls staring at me and Nicole running through the parking lot exclaiming to different girl groups what I'd done and I assume was putting the hit out on me. By the time my parent came to pick me up, I was seconds away from receiving a major beat down.
At the time, it made me re-evaluate my life and think seriously about my action towards Tyrell. I later decided that I'd made the right decisions by acting on what I felt and my friends became my friends again and all was well.
That may or may not have been a little complex to follow, but essentially I am posing these questions........Do the friend Law's really apply? And just how far can you push them before things become irreparable? The questions.....
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Numbers..
I was born in heat. I was born in the hottest month of the year in one of the hottest cities in the South. I saw a boy's penis in the second grade under a table..... By sixth grade I was in love with the Spice Channel... 7th grade.. I touched my first penis... At 13 I lost my virginity...
By the time I hit college I had a strong urge to have sex with...... everyone... But I didnt because I was so scared about my numbers being to high. I thought that if I went over three I was two away from being a whole hand (five) and that was an outrageous number. I am now close to my senior year and I didnt give a rats ass about numbers until recently.
I pick out the boys I want when I first see them and this sexy light skinned one came in my class and got choose quickly. It took some time but he finally got the hint and set up an appointment for the show..... But he had some preliminary questions.... And this is where the problem came in....
"How many people have you been with?"..... Excuse me... Dont you know that there are some things that you dont ask and that dear is one of them? If I dont ask you certain questions I expect you to follow suit... Unfortunately sexy didnt know... So what did I tell him?
A damn lie... Im not gonna tell that nigga how many people Ive had sex with... Why would it matter? Does the amount of people I have sex with deter you from the yearning to get some sex? As long as Im safe why would you care?! The question threw me for a loop.... Why are some people so concerned about numbers? Is it the myth that a person that has sex with a number of people make them a whore? My answer: No, that person can just be a responsible freak. What about the stigma that a man wants to smash everything with a vagina and at least one leg will only marry a virgin? My answer: That man is a damn fool. The famous physical excuse: If you have sex with a number of people than your vagina will hang like a sleeve of a wizard? My answer: Theres lots of excercises for that shit too....
Numbers are only made a big deal for each indiviual person. If you are worried that your numbers will affect your life style or future, than by all means keep your legs closed or dick in your pants. You have to be aware and secure about your sexual history.. So why did I lie to him? Honestly I didnt want to lose possibly good penis before I had a chance to try it. But in the end, my numbers were the same as his... He just doesnt know that.... What is the standard for a big number anyway? According to my mom more than one is too much... When I was younger five in a lifetime was the limit... Others are reaching the 30-40 level and are still going strong.... Numbers are a mental thing... Whatever you play into during your life will determine how you feel about the dreaded question..
My point? Fucking is natural... Some crave it more than others... Some people try to fool themslves into thinking that ignoring the craving will make it go away.. Which is true... your craving for sex will go away and turn into other problems like stress, relationship woes, pimples, etc.... I am not advocating fucking everybody you have a chance too.... Think first be responsible but please.. be for real....If you have a little list going for you when it comes to the sexual partners... you arent a whore..your not a slut... you darling... are enjoying life... You have realized what you enjoy doing... And is satisfied with continuing to do what you enjoy... Numbers really and truly arent a big deal.. But to each his own....
By the time I hit college I had a strong urge to have sex with...... everyone... But I didnt because I was so scared about my numbers being to high. I thought that if I went over three I was two away from being a whole hand (five) and that was an outrageous number. I am now close to my senior year and I didnt give a rats ass about numbers until recently.
I pick out the boys I want when I first see them and this sexy light skinned one came in my class and got choose quickly. It took some time but he finally got the hint and set up an appointment for the show..... But he had some preliminary questions.... And this is where the problem came in....
"How many people have you been with?"..... Excuse me... Dont you know that there are some things that you dont ask and that dear is one of them? If I dont ask you certain questions I expect you to follow suit... Unfortunately sexy didnt know... So what did I tell him?
A damn lie... Im not gonna tell that nigga how many people Ive had sex with... Why would it matter? Does the amount of people I have sex with deter you from the yearning to get some sex? As long as Im safe why would you care?! The question threw me for a loop.... Why are some people so concerned about numbers? Is it the myth that a person that has sex with a number of people make them a whore? My answer: No, that person can just be a responsible freak. What about the stigma that a man wants to smash everything with a vagina and at least one leg will only marry a virgin? My answer: That man is a damn fool. The famous physical excuse: If you have sex with a number of people than your vagina will hang like a sleeve of a wizard? My answer: Theres lots of excercises for that shit too....
Numbers are only made a big deal for each indiviual person. If you are worried that your numbers will affect your life style or future, than by all means keep your legs closed or dick in your pants. You have to be aware and secure about your sexual history.. So why did I lie to him? Honestly I didnt want to lose possibly good penis before I had a chance to try it. But in the end, my numbers were the same as his... He just doesnt know that.... What is the standard for a big number anyway? According to my mom more than one is too much... When I was younger five in a lifetime was the limit... Others are reaching the 30-40 level and are still going strong.... Numbers are a mental thing... Whatever you play into during your life will determine how you feel about the dreaded question..
My point? Fucking is natural... Some crave it more than others... Some people try to fool themslves into thinking that ignoring the craving will make it go away.. Which is true... your craving for sex will go away and turn into other problems like stress, relationship woes, pimples, etc.... I am not advocating fucking everybody you have a chance too.... Think first be responsible but please.. be for real....If you have a little list going for you when it comes to the sexual partners... you arent a whore..your not a slut... you darling... are enjoying life... You have realized what you enjoy doing... And is satisfied with continuing to do what you enjoy... Numbers really and truly arent a big deal.. But to each his own....
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