FUCK THE PAST!!

I am a hard lover. Im a Leo. Its in my nature to love hard and care for someone quickly. So that only means that it hurts more when someone that I like treats me like a piece of shit. Currently I have two men that are putting in me in a funny situation that makes it hard to make a concrete decision.

Joseph was my fuck buddy most of sophomore year and the beginning of junior year. Then something happened (and when I say something, I mean I dont know what happened) with him and we just stopped talking and he disappeared. yes it hurt my feelings because even though I knew he wasnt looking for a girlfriend, I still liked him and treated him like he was my boyfriend anyway. Thats probably how I set myslef up for failure. I should have set up boundaries and I wonuldt be in this predicament in the first place. But I digress...

Jospeh has all of a sudden popped back into my life and even though I tried to treat him like dirt and discourage him from never talking to me again, I am making exceptions for him because of our past. I cant stop thinking about all those times I would ride the train in the middle of the night in the middle of the week just to go be with him. The constant text messages and inside jokes came up and I ended up being nice to him. Now he wants to come over and see me. What the hell am I going to do?

I should have knocked him down because of what he did, but the sex and previous conversation makes me curious. Why cant I, along with other women, disconnect themselves with them triflin negroes that will probably hurt them again? Why dont we have the balls enough to treat niggas just like shit and keep it movin like nothing happened? We ask for people to be upfront to us but we still act like something might change. Its was my mistake to get caught up and catch feelings. Its my fault that I dont have the guts and heart, shit even the willingness, to say nigga fuck you and go fall off a damn cliff. Nope my being a hard lover will not allow it. WHY???

If I had the answers to this question I wouldnt be in this predicament and wouldnt be whining. But I dont so I will be seeing this young man sometime in the future and have another story to tell. But I wont complain about what happens because I know what Im getting myself into. I know that Im putting my feelings at risk again for the mere sake of curiosity and the past. I know I might not be woman enough to fight the old feelings for Joseph, but I am woman enough to know that whatever happens, I brought it on myself.

So lets just keep this in mind when we want to whine about triflin negroes and the like. You had a part of your current situation and frustrations. Own up to it and dont whine because youre not stupid. You knew what you were doing and you knew there was a chance that whatever was gonna happen. You not Jesus so you cant change anything. But you do have a brain, please use it.

As for the other negro, I will see what he comes up with when he crosses Kappa, until then he is still on the shit list.... A good place for him to be at the moment..